Category Archives: Politics

New School Mascot Is Literally A Salvaged Copper Pipe

Following the closure of SCI&TS, Sarnia’s new combined high school has chosen its mascot and colours.

The Urban Decay will represent Great Lakes Secondary School in various shades of brown, red and grey.

“Urban Decay affects all of us, its tendrils reaching into our lives little by little, revealing the inevitability of our own folly over our lives as high school students,” said May Branding, co-chair of the identity committee that developed the name and colours.

The mascot, named “Copper,” has special meaning to the students and community.

“We’re reminded that we need to find solace in each other until the end of our days, and the copper pipe mascot represents the value we can find in the ruins all around us, in each other… that it can feed us just long enough that we may become adults, university applicants and living echoes of an economy that ate itself alive long before our time. ”



Mayor Upset He Can’t ‘Angry’ Scrapbook On Weekends

Sarnia Post - Bradley Upset He Can't Access Angry Scrapbook

Sarnia Mayor Mike Bradley learned this past weekend that he was no longer permitted access to city hall during off-hours, preventing him from working on his latest scrapbooking project.

“I can be mad at whoever I want and talk to them however I want, It’s not fair of them to micromanage my behaviour like this,” said Bradley.

“When I’m done, if I want to paste pictures of staff next to famous despots and draw birds pooping on them, I could always do that too but that’s apparently a problem now.”

Bradley went on to explain how the city could have saved “a dollar fifty” if they just left his keycard alone.

“Do the taxpayers of Sarnia really want to foot the bill for this vendetta? Nobody can be held accountable if I can’t make people feel bad about themselves without the constraints of being held accountable myself, or workplace regulations.”

Pokémon Players Can’t Find Elusive Comms Strategy At City Hall

Pokémon Players Can't Find Elusive Communications Plan At City Hall - Sarnia

Pokémon Go was released to Canadians a few days ago, but Sarnia players have yet to locate a fabled communication strategy at City Hall.

“There are rumours that there’s supposed to be a plan around here for disseminating information between city departments and the public in a clear, complete and accessible manner,” said 18-year-old Kieran Clarke.

“…but all I kept finding were a lot of Pidgey and motions from council.”

Kieran’s 14-year-old sister, Sarah, says she’s confident they will find it eventually.

“I see rustling in the bushes on the app, and I see something on my tracking that must be a some kind of reasonable communication strategy… maybe we just need to use more lures or get more elected officials helping us.”

Kieran said “If all else fails, I guess we can keep catching council motions until we have enough to evolve them into a communication strategy in a few years – by then we’ll have enough experience to start taking things over for ourselves anyway.”

City Considering Facebook Users To Guard Canatara Park

Canatara Park - City of Sarnia

In the face of the rising costs of vandalism at Canatara and other parks maintained by the city, Sarnia Police and the parks department are looking to tap into Sarnia’s plentiful reservoir of important Facebook comments to resolve the issues easily and cheaply.

“We were looking for complicated solutions when the simplest ones were right in front of us,” said Deputy Police Chief Bob Farlow .

According to Farlow, the plan would assign several dozen individuals to a post somewhere in one of Sarnia’s parks on a daily basis, where they are instructed to solve all the vandalism problems in their area according to advice they’ve given in their own Facebook comments on the matter.

Farlow said “Everyone in Sarnia with a Facebook account knows exactly who is responsible for all the problems and how to fix it, and they’re so quick and reliable in letting us know. We’re just cutting out the middle man and letting them handle it.”

Dozens of Facebook comments have filled community pages since the city began talks to tackle the problem, individuals offering detailed advice on how to stop the vandalism.

“I’d just hang them upside down by their toes” – Robert Fraser.

“Where are their mothers?? I’d just drag their mothers down there and make them explain what they did!” – Elaine Foster

“I don’t understand why someone from the city can’t just go and sit near each building around the clock and catch them in the act and PANTS THEM!” – Jim Smith. 

“WHY!?!?! STOP! SARNIAS SO STUPID” – Jennifer McDonald

“This is what happens when you don’t teach kids cursive writing and tell them its ok to wear shorts in a learning environment” – Bill Vandermeer


Beth Gignac, Sarnia Parks and Recreation Director said “The citizens are an untapped resource of really smart ideas and skills that a well-funded, well-staffed municipality could never compete with and we should have thought to use them sooner.”

Jackson Pool Closing For Coin Hunt

Sarnia’s municipal council has approved a plan to close down the Jackson Memorial Pool this summer to hunt for loose change.

“Sometimes kids forget to take the coins out of their swim trunk pockets before jumping in,” said City Councillor Mike Kelch. “That change might have found it’s way into various cracks, drains and holes that can be more explored by city staff without water or children in the pool.”

The plan is considered a continuation of efforts that began last summer when staff were sent to Canatara Beach with pails, metal detectors and instructions to “fix” the parks and recreation budget. They found $2.35 and “some metal thing that looks like a whistle, but doesn’t make any sound when (they) blow on it.”

Local Politician Literally Kicks Can Down Road

Sarnia Politician Literally Kicks Can Down Road - Sarnia Post

Sometimes leadership is about resolving to keep going, no matter what obstacles are in your path.

For several decades, Sarnia City Councillor Dave Boushy has been arriving at city hall every month to resume kicking a can down the road.

“Most people want to do their job and go home, but sometimes there’s something inconvenient in your way and you have to kick it out of the way until the next time it ends up in your path,” said Boushy. “You can rest easy knowing someone else will clean up the mess years later or take the blame, it won’t affect you.”

Boushy said that his sentiments are echoed by many longer-serving representatives at city and county council.

“Why should we have to deal with the situation? I don’t want to touch that can, leave it for staff or kids to pick up when they are older.”

Boushy also said that he has noticed a high number of cans rolling around in the last few years and doesn’t understand why.

“We have lots of staff, we pay them money, why are cans on the ground?”

Sarnia Candidate Was Worried Signs Weren’t Big Enough

Sarnia’s newest MP is grateful for the hard work her signs have done, even if she was skeptical.

“I missed a bunch of debates and I had nothing meaningful to say when I did make them. I didn’t know if enough people would see my name next to the Conservative logo and wish we went bigger but I’m just thrilled that it worked out for me,” Conservative candidate Marilyn Gladu said.

Before last night’s election results came in with 41% of the vote in favour of Gladu, Sarnia-Lambton’s next MP was worried that many voters had actually been paying attention to her campaign.

“I hoped people would just stand in awe of my massive signs… I know I said some stupid things and our National team was completely horrible to the public, but I was hoping the good people of Sarnia didn’t notice how abusive Harper’s government had really been,” said Gladu.  “Thank goodness for our electoral system, the other fifty-nine percent that voted against me won’t have anyone to represent their pesky ideas of equality and civil rights in Ottawa.”


Public Washrooms Still Too Convenient, Will Remain Closed

City of Sarnia and Point Edward staff have coordinated efforts to ensure that public washrooms  in local parks and public spaces will remain closed for several more weeks. A joint project was initiated last year to study park and washroom usage patterns, which officials say will help them in budgeting maintenance for the next couple of years.

While citizens continue to bolt from parking lot to parking lot, wiggling locked washroom door handles and blanketing public spaces with curse words, personal anxiety and urine driblets, staffers  are betting on their data.

“The last thing we want to do is open the restrooms for public use when people are actually using these public spaces,” explained Roger Locke of the Sarnia Parks and Recreation Department.

“We’re looking to open them all right at that sweet spot when people give up checking to see if they are open or not, which will hopefully be a couple days before we can close them for the cold months again.”

Sarnia Parents Furious Sex-Ed Curriculum Is Reasonable

Ontario Sex-Ed Curriculum

A local family is furious with the latest change in Ontario education. After waiting for this week’s announcement, Sarnia parents Richard & Margaret Sanderson are not pleased.

On Monday, the Ontario government released the long-awaited updates to the K-12 Health and Physical Education Curriculum. Included in the newly-updated sexual education curriculum are highly contentious topics like healthy relationships, how to say no to unwanted advances, the dangers of ‘sexting’, and learning about STIs and sexual health a whole whopping year or two before kids share school halls with 18 year old students.

Margaret said that her and her husband Richard had booked a day off from their respective jobs so that they could travel to a protest in Queen’s Park and are now angry and conflicted.

“We were told they were going to teach our kids all kinds of nasty sexual stuff starting in Kindergarten,” said Richard.

“These Liberals think they can just do whatever they want and waited until we had made plans to release a curriculum that is totally reasonable and will probably help young people avoid getting hurt or worse.”

Margaret is concerned that the government has unfairly consumed her time and attention.

“I’ve signed petitions and sent dozens of emails to my family, friends and church and now what am I supposed to do? Tell them I was wrong? I’m appalled and angry.”

Richard and Margaret believe they may now attend the protest as a means of sharing their frustration with the tame nature of the curriculum.


City Council Explores Use Of Typewriters

Typewriter - Sarnia Post

Sarnia city councillors may soon find themselves sifting through a stack of neatly typed paper instead of unwrapping dozens of scrolls every month.

“With today’s post-industrial revolution realities, providing people-sized piles of of hand-inked parchment for every agenda and budget may not be the most effective way to share information in a timely, convenient and inexpensive manner,” wrote City Coun. Brian White in a notice of motion presented at a council meeting this past Monday.

White proposed that city staff investigate and compare the costs of using parchment and hand-mixed inks to the use of typewriters and paper. Staff are also tasked with determining if there are alternatives to training carrier pigeons and carrying chests of parchment by hand to councillor homes.

Some councillors are less than happy about the idea.

“I tried to use one of them typewriters last year, but it was new to me and I didn’t like it so I went back to telling our scribes to craft everything for me by hand” said city/county Coun. Dave Boushy.

“Typewriters might cost a lot of money, we should just tell staff to write faster,” he said.

City/county Coun. Andy Bruziewicz expressed concerns as well.

“If we go ahead with typewriters, maybe next month they will be telling us to replace our abacus with a calculator,” he said. “We should draw the line somewhere.”